Amityville Horror (2005)

 Amityville Horror (2005)

RELEASED April 15, 2005 RUNTIME 90 mins 

DIRECTOR Andrew Douglas 

WRITERS Sandor Stern (author), George Lutz (author), Kathy Lutz (author), Scott Kosar (author), Jay Anson (author), Jonathan Gesinski (storyboard) 

STARS Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Jimmy Bennett

COUNTRY United States LANGUAGE English 

STUDIOS Platinum Dunes, Dimension Films, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Radar Pictures 

GENRES Horror

Streaming on: Amazon Prime, AMC, Sling, fuboTV, Philo

The plot: Ryan Reynolds pretends this wasn't already done a million times better in the '70s. 

Random observations:

• The moving in montage music makes me want to set the alarm for 3:15am. 
• Baby Chloë Grace Moretz is cute.
• I think this is the first movie I saw where I finally allowed myself to realize that dads could be hot.

The original Amityville Horror is one of my favorite movies. I saw it at a young and impressionable age and I was still very open about paranormal activity due to trauma or tragedy. 

This version might be to help bring in a new audience of younger horror fans, but the pacing and style aren't helped by jarring music stings and jump scares to ghosts dying in ways their human counterparts did not.

0.4/1 Directing

0.5/1 Cinematography

0.3/1 Visual design

0.4/1 Editing

0.5/1 Plot 

0.4/1 Dialogue

0.4/1 Acting

0.4/1 Soundtrack/Score/Sound

0.3/1 Originality

0.5/1 Rewatchability

Total: 4.1/10 Binge Bones

The verdict: If you like strobe lights and random noises, this will be your jam.