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Shark Night 3D (2011)

 Shark Night 3D (2011)

RELEASED September 2, 2011 RUNTIME 91 mins DIRECTOR David R. Ellis 

WRITERS Will Hayes (screenplay), Jesse Studenberg (screenplay) 

STARS Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack

COUNTRY United States LANGUAGE English 

STUDIO Incentive Filmed Entertainment 

GENRES Horror, Thriller

Streaming on: Netflix



The plot: Freshwater sharks terrorize a group of vacationing assholes.


Random observations:

  • Oh my God, do NOT swim right after you get a tattoo.
  • This film was nominated for a Fangoria Chainsaw Award in 2012 for "Worst Film" (it tied for second place with 2011's Fright Night).
  • If you can make it through until the end of the credits you can watch the cast in the music video for "Sharks Bite".
In one way, there are no bad shark movies. The fact that a camera person would work in water all day for weeks on end is impressive to me. One time I was in a short film and it rained for like 2 hours and I wanted to die. I can't even imagine just being constantly soggy during a production shoot.

In another way, it kind of sucks when all of that hard work just dissolves into the ocean because some basement weasel fancies themselves a writer. (Don't look at me like that. I don't live in a basement and if anything I'm a narwhal -- kinda blubbery but at least I have a point.)

Stuntman-turned-director David R. Ellis passed away in 2013. This film was his final directorial effort. Coincidence? Yes.


0/1 Directing
0.3/1 Cinematography
0.4/1 Visual design
0.6/1 Editing
0.2/1 Plot 
0/1 Dialogue
0.1/1 Acting
0.4/1 Soundtrack/Score/Sound
0/1 Originality
0.1/1 Rewatchability

Total: 2.1/10 Binge Bones


Verdict: You won't need a bigger boat.

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